The Skirt

The other day my husband Stephen said to me, ” I need a skirt.”

Startled, I replied, ” I beg your pardon?”

“For work. I need one for work.”

Now what you need to know about my Kansas born husband is that he is a real manly man. He won’t even sleep on a  flowered comforter.

In my mind I imagine that a Kansas 10 year old has this experience with his father:

“Now son. It’s time we have The Talk.” 

 You may be thinking The Talk is about the birds and the bees, but a Kansas child learns that around 4 years old.  This talk is even more important!

“Son, you are getting to an age where you need to watch what you wear. Always wear your hat,  stick to plaid shirts, keep your boots clean, and NEVER EVER show your legs in public!”

Consequently I have traveled all over central and western Kansas —– and my new home in Virginia too!—–and have seen so many men  in plaid shirts that I couldn’t tell them apart. I started refering to them as the Blue Plaid man or the Green Plaid guy.  These men also have half and half faces. You know, tan from the eyebrows down and white from the brows up.

As for the leg business, I can vouch for the authenticityof that part. My husband is so tan that he looks like he is wearing brown leather evening gloves that reach to his biceps. 

But from the neck down—–he’s as white as a swan! He’s smart because so many farmers and ranchers die from skin cancer.  So the advice is really important but I can’t imagine ranching in 120 degree weather in boots, jeans, gloves, and a hat! 

These folks who grow our food are real unsung heroes!

My husband pulled me out of my reverie,” What kind of skirt should I get?”

“Won’t it be hard to build a house wearing a skirt honey? It’ll get in the way.”  I tried to be gentle—-maybe this was a mid life crisis.

Shocked he shouted,” It’s for the house! It’s for the house!  You know,  the part around the piers to cover the cement posts holding up the house. I’d better go ask your cousin Dave.”

He adjusted his red plaid collar, pulled his hat lower, and fled out the door!

So my friends, we have learned that a skirt is also something that covers the bottom of the house.

And to this day whenever I pass the construction site, I turn my head in embarrassment because I can just see the house trying to cover up its knees and pleading—–hurry up and make the skirt!

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